So many things have happened in the year since my last post. My little boy is now 18mths old and my baby girl is 3. Both are still gorgeous beautiful little people and never cease to amaze me. We have just moved into our new place and are loving being back in our own space. JD has worked so hard to get us here. Im so grateful for his strength and level headedness without which I'd be truly lost.
But its funny how I only ever want to write when things are bothering me. The thing that's got me awake at 5 in the morning blogging is not my beautiful family or lovely home. Its past friendships. The failing in which has me questioning my personal integrity and worth as a person. I love many of the benefits of technology. Including being able to write this very post. But one truly troubling thing for self doubters like me is that you get to see how lives have moved on without you in it. I wonder why I am so bothered by this. I guess its hard to be dismissed. When I joined the church I lost friends. Not drastically but as you change and no longer have common interests in much harder to keep up friendships. Years later I wonder why these friendships were not maintained. Its crippling how self-conscious interactions with my old friends make me feel. I don't know why there is a such a strong desire to have it acknowledged that I am a better person now. Maybe because they seem to be, that is from skewed view I have through Facebook. I wonder do they feel the same? Maybe. Maybe not.
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